to many

24 June 2009,

2.30 a.m.

Recently, i am asking myself again with a lot of question, question that even I myself didn't have an answer to it. Many things has happen since the first day i entered College, and has pass, OVER. But bad things just couldn't stop coming towards you, its like coming one after another.

I'm a person who head for the hills, and i hate myself being that kind of person. I always avoid, avoid of facing, avoid of the responsibility. And now whenever i had to make a decision, it is like caught in between a rock and a hard place. I just don't know what else could be done, just don't know what to do anymore.

today I couldn't sleep, more and more issues is bothering me in my mind, but i don't know how to solve those issues. I sensing that something hard will hit me again, i don't know what it is, and i don't want to know what it is. I don't think i could undertake with another bad news.

why does things happens when i am up a river without a paddle, why? but i knew this would come, i just didn't see it coming. Whenever i think of it, i just wish i had the power to do something, i felt i am being useless and could not help my mom lighten her burden. When i think of it, it makes me wanted to cry out loud for being powerless.

she passed 50, and still she had to work for other people, just to allow me continue my studies, i hate myself of being useless and not capable of doing anything. Why when i needed a rising tide lifts all boats, and the tide just won't come. Then none of this will happen, this is so SUCKS of being powerless.

I wanted all this to change, change into a happy life i always wanted

i want her to have a better life for the rest of her life, no need to worry

i just don't know i can do that.

"Money isn't everything, but without money everything is like nightmare."

"她辛苦了大半辈子,却还不能够好好的休息"

"我真的好没用"

-D